Destiny's Irony

2001

"Julian, this can happen. No need to worry." Ezri Dax' placed a tender hand at Julian Bashir's shoulder, but the doctor just rolled to the other side of the bed, murmured "I'm sorry,

Ezri."

The young woman shook her head, although her partner couldn't see it. "You don't have to apologize, Julian. You're a doctor, you know that temporal impotence can happen after too much stress. The war… Captain Sisko's vanishing.

"No!" He interrupted her harshly. "That's not the reason."

Ezri sat upright. "You mean it's because of me? Am I not appealing enough for you?"

"No... yes... I don't know."

Ezri sighed. It seemed that what was supposed to be a pleasant, private evening once again would end as a counseling session. "Julian, I am your friend, but more importantly, I am a professional counselor - whatever is troubling you, you can tell me."

Julian sat up too, presenting his back to Dax. "It's because of Miles."

"I see." Again small hands reached for the mans back. "He was your best friend and you miss him. Understandable."

"No, that's not all." He took a deep breath. "Miles was my lover for nearly seven years."

Surprised, Ezri gasped for air. "I didn't know this" she finally managed to say.

"Nobody knew. We were very discrete... and now he's gone."

Bashir closed his eyes as all the feelings of loss and treachery he felt when Miles told of his plans to go back to Earth with his family overwhelmed him once again.

He could feel Ezri's comforting presence. "You can tell me everything" she repeated. Finally, he found

the courage to speak of the one person who had been on his mind.  But his voice was shaky as he started.

"It was love. I mean true love. At least from my part. And I think he loved me, too. It wasn't only sex and desire. I wished so much that he would confess himself openly to me. But he had his wife and the kids. Miles always feared Keiko would instantly leave the station if she found out. She wasn't happy here, everybody knew this. He thought that with all the insecurity of the situation during the last years, that if she went to Earth he would never see his children again. And he loves Molly and Kira-Yoshi more then me. I had hoped so much that when the war was over we could really be together. But now ... I lost him forever."

Julian rose to his feet and reached for his clothes. "I have to be alone. Excuse me."

The rough laughter which escaped Ezri Dax' shortly after the door had closed behind Bashir sounded very much like Jadzia. "That's destiny's irony" the Trill murmured. She closed her eyes as memories which weren't her own, and yet were, came to the surface of her mind.

/*/*/

Jadzia threw her head back as tender lips sucked her right nipple in a wet mouth. She thought that they couldn't become more erect then they already were, but it seemed that she was wrong. I wet trail was made from one breast to the other, then the left nub was sucked to equal hardness.

Eagerly she combed her hands in the long silky dark hair and pushed the head deeper down her naked body. Sounds of ecstasy escaped her again and she became wetter then she already was, as the hungry mouth finally was on her.

She closed her eyes, feeling the sheer pleasure in every nerve of her body. Sharp nails were racked over the sensitive skin of her inner thighs and the fire in her raised even higher. And then a tongue slid in her - and a nearly animal like cry of lust sounded through her room.

It took Jadzia a while to realize that it was her own cry which still rang in her ears. Slowly the waves of orgasm ebbed down and she opened her eyes. Something was wrong, she felt it clearly- and then she knew. "You haven't come, Keiko. Let me…"

She reached for the other woman but her hands were roughly shoved away. "No!" Keiko stood up and reached for her clothes. "This has to end. Here and now.

The Trill sat up and gave her partner an appraising glance. "Why? What's wrong with you."

Keiko turned her back to Dax before she quietly answered. "I'm pregnant again."

Jadzia gasped for air. "So you still sleep with Miles?" she whispered.

A shoulder-shrugging was the remark. "He's my husband, what should I do?"

"Be careful and not let him impregnate you again. Or better: Just leave him and come to me." She didn't hide her annoyance.

Keiko turned around and sighed. "I can't. And you can hardly think that the three of us can live in pleasant co-existence here on the station. As for the pregnancy: I hadn't planned it, but I'm happy getting a second child."

"We can leave. You've always said that you don't like to be here. We can apply for some science mission elsewhere in the federation. Something which isn't risky for you and the baby." A slight flicker of hope swung in Jadzias voice.

"And what's about Molly? Miles would not allow me to take her to some backward planet. And I

can't leave my daughter alone here." Keiko, too, had become angry. "I love you, Jadzia and I love

to be intimate with you, but it has to stop - if not for our sake, then for the sake of my daughter

and my unborn baby."

Jadzia sighed with resignation. "So, it's really over?"

"Yes. I'm so sorry." The despair was clearly audible as she left without looking back.

/*/*/

Ezri blinked as her thoughts came back to reality. The day after that, Jadzia had decided to set her eyes on Worf. As a Thrill – and with the memories of all her former hosts - bisexuality was part of her nature. Worf’s rough Klingon sexuality had been appealing to her after Keiko’s gentleness. But now ...

Thousands of ifs and whens crossed Ezris mind. If only one of the O'Brien's had found the courage to speak about his or her true feelings. Four people could be happy now. If Jadzia hadn't married Worf, if she hadn't had a wish to carry his child, she wouldn't have been in the shrine as Dukat...

The Trill sighed. "Probably Jadzia would still be alive and I would have less problems."

She wasn't sure from which of Dax' former hosts she had acquired the words with which she now cursed destiny - and human cowardice.

-end-